Don’t Worry…be Happy !

The things a person wants, and the things that will make that person happy, are hardly ever the same things. So much frustration and disappointment could be avoided if people could learn this simple principle, and adjust accordingly their overall strategy in the pursuit of happiness.

This essay seeks answers to the eternal questions which have plagued mankind since time immemorial. I do not profess to be a pundit on these matters. On the contrary I am what normally would best be described, as a coarse and earthy person. But that’s precisely the point. As a person completely devoid of finer sensibilities and given to hedonistic pursuits – I identify with many. Sorry about that, but lets face it – we are in general, material men and women. We take pleasure in accumulating worldly possessions and yearn for more endlessly. One satisfied want is replaced by another unfulfilled desire ad-infinitum.

Then there is this one-up-man ship which goads me towards incessantly wanting to be better than the neighbors and friends and relatives. If you have a Honda, I shall acquire a Bentley and if you have a Bentley, my aim would be to go for a Ferrari ! Does this sound familiar ?

I come back to my credentials justifying my writing about ‘happiness.’ I emphatically state that these are just the crass attributes, outlined above, which though incongruent with the content of my essay on this esoteric topic, provide me with a locus-standii which I now further elaborate. If a person like me can get to the core of the issue – it must be pretty easy to understand for all of us. Shorn of Vedic knowledge in matters of the soul and divinity, away from pursuits about the ‘self’ and divorced from spirituality as completely as I am, I represent the common man. I take this examination of happiness down to the grass-roots for readers to quickly assimilate. I don’t even have to make a conscious effort for that. My plebian bearing in these matters becomes my strength.

Before I really commence, I reproduce here, a forward received in my mailbox a few months ago. The writer, I am told, is Chetan Bhagat. It goes as follows:

“Don’t just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace, in that order. There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions. Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same is with life where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life.

Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die. One thing about nurturing the spark – don’t take life seriously. Life is not meant to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? We are people, not programmed devices…!” “Don’t be serious, be sincere!”

This more or less sums up the issue quite roundly. But to pose the first question once again. What are our wants and what makes us happy ? Are the two the same ? Are things that we want same as those we need ? In a nut-shell, are wants and needs synonymous ? Let us examine these issues a bit more in detail.

A large apartment, computer and cellular phone may or may not qualify as a need depending on your particular circumstances while a designer suit, ice-cream, lottery tickets, entertainment center, club membership, concert tickets, trip to Singapore, necklace, and golf clubs all probably fall into the want section.

If you can take the time to start being honest with yourself, you will find that a lot of the things which you assumed were an absolute necessity until now are in reality nothing more than wants. Once you distinguish between the two and look at these issues objectively, you have placed yourself in the position to live within your means by simply asking yourself whether or not an item or service you are about to purchase - is a need or merely a want.

When you analyze the state of being ‘happy’ – whenever you last felt so, try to remember the attendant factors which were responsible for that feeling. You had perhaps brought a brand new car with latest features and with a price-tag which was equally impressive. You were certainly happy - and on the face of it, the reason was your latest acquisition. But after having parked it in your garage and after admiring its gleam, its styling and its stunning good looks, you might have sat in the driver’s seat, felt its controls, caressed its dash-board and literally loved it with a passion you were surprised you could have for inanimate objects. You then, perhaps, walked away from it very reluctantly giving it a loving glance over your shoulder. You kept telling yourself that your friends are going to be envious; your neighbours are going to be jealous and your relatives are going to swell with admiration….and so, I am happy.

Your sense of happiness started dropping drastically the very moment you actually drove it into the garage. You were unwilling to accept that. With some more passage of time, you were no longer happy – just a bit self-satisfied and smug. You started feeling the tension of impending car loan installment which becomes due in a few weeks. Your thought process led to a re-examination of items of expenditure on your house-hold budget. ‘Why do I need to continue with the costly club membership ? Why should my wife take those singing lessons ? And hey – is there a need for a gardener to look after the small patch of green in front of the house ? Most importantly, should we really go ahead with the pointless holiday at the obscure resort ?’

Now, step back and recollect the ‘happiness’ felt when these very decisions were taken not so long ago. Such is the nature of this fickle state of so-called ‘happiness.’ But compare the above scenario with fulfillment of ‘NEEDS.’ To buy a computer for carrying out our professional activities would obviously categorize the purchase as such. You continue to have a good feel about it every time some productive output is obtained from the machine. And although it does not give you the momentary peak of elation, the purchase certainly is a reason for a steady state of joy.

We, therefore, have to gradually shift focus on needs and avoid seeking pleasure in satisfying wants. That is part one of the discourse. The other important aspect is to not be obsessed with pleasure-seeking as it is momentary. Planning to be happy one day, we let so many small joys to go unnoticed. When I grow up and land a good job, I shall be happy. Let me get married now that I have a job and I will certainly be happy. My first child will bring happiness, let him get married and happiness will follow….

Countless small yet fulfilling moments of togetherness, of mirth and joy and of well-being have been lost without us being aware of them because we are waiting for the big-bang kind of happiness.

Lastly, the tendency to worry on inconsequential, uncertain and imagined happenings in future must be overcome. More often than not, the imagined catastrophe never occurs. But having worried over the likelihood of them happening deprives us of enjoying the present pleasant moments, which may never return. So we loose out on two counts. Summing up, let us reduce our wants to a manageable extent, be content with fulfilling our needs and stop worrying altogether !

Sanjeev Bhakay